
The theme for Children’s Mental Health Week this year is Know Yourself, Grow Yourself – an encouragement to our young people to become more in touch with who they are. Cultivating self-awareness is a key role that adults can play in the lives of the young people around them. So, how can we help? What steps can we take to be that supportive presence?
All Emotions Are Communication
Part of getting to know ourselves is knowing how we feel. Our emotions are a litmus test to how we feel about the world around us. This includes the environment we are in and the people we are with. They are a guide to what we will or won’t tolerate, where our boundaries need to be, and what makes us happy or sad, stressed or relaxed, angry or calm.
All emotions are a form of communication. And we need to see the emotions shared with us by our young people through this lens. It’s vital that we are listening; not just to the words shared but the undercurrent of feeling. What messages are encoded in those emotions? It can be hard when a young person is experiencing big emotion, such as anger or anxiety. Often these emotions elicit a feeling of immediacy from us. We rush to act, instead of taking time to understand first. But we need to remember these emotions are vital clues about what might be going on for our young person’s state of mind.
There are no bad emotions – just ones that are harder to manage. It’s important to remember that if they’re hard for us to experience, they’re equally, if not harder, for our young person to feel. In the moment, they need someone to be the calm in the eye of the storm, someone to anchor them. Only then can we begin the conversation, help them regulate, listen with empathy and move towards support and possibly resolution.
Respond Not React
All children will need a different level of support from us depending on their age. Younger children may require more help to understand how they are feeling and name their emotions. We can help by making suggestions: “You sound like you’re really scared.” Even if we are not correct, this can kickstart the conversation. Older kids may have a better grasp of their emotions. They can name them in a way that younger children can’t. However, it’s normal for all of us to have mixed emotions or sometimes struggle to put a name to how we feel. If this is the case, normalise it, taking time to understand exactly what your young person is feeling. We can make suggestions in this situation too, and continue to listen and guide as they figure it out.
Once our children and teenagers understand what they’re feeling, we can help them accept these feelings and be thoughtful about what happens next. When we feel intense emotions, we often react, rather than respond. We can encourage young people of all ages to pause, notice the feeling and then act with intention, using us as a sounding board as needed. This more measured approach can help us make better choices. It can be the difference between raising our voices or responding calmly when we’re upset or offended.
Encouraging Self-Awareness
The more adept our young people are at noticing their emotions, the more likely they are to notice when these emotions change. When this occurs, for example, noticing more negative thought patterns or a low mood, they are in a better position to take proactive steps to look after themselves and get support if they need it.
We can encourage self-awareness by having conversations with our young people about their thoughts and feelings. We can make a habit of asking about their day. The more interest we take and the more we listen, the more likely they are to share and approach us for support. For younger children, we can discuss characters in books or in TV shows or films, asking how they think the character feels and discussing how we might feel. For teenagers, taking an active interest in their day is crucial, and accepting when they may not want to talk. We can instil good habits of checking in with how they’re feeling by suggesting they make it part of their routine, combining it with another daily activity – for example, when brushing their teeth morning or night. We should also let them know that we’re always there if they need to talk.
Reflective and mindful practices can also help encourage self-awareness. These activities need to be age and stage-appropriate. But everyone can benefit from them. We may wish to practise them in a group – as a family or individually.
Creative pursuits are an excellent opportunity for reflection and getting to know ourselves better, whether we choose to engage in journalling or creative writing, drawing or painting, playing an instrument or listening to music, or taking time to read or do other artistic endeavours. Any of these activities can help us consider how we are thinking or feeling in each moment.
Mindfulness meditation helps many people take time to tap into their thoughts and feelings. However, we can practise the spirit of mindfulness in multiple ways simply by being present. Many young people thrive in the hustle of daily life, but many don’t. Some will have awareness of when they need to take a step back, but not all will. Make space in the family routine for quieter, more mindful opportunities. This could be taking a walk in nature and noticing what you see and hear. You may wish to discuss this together during or after the walk. You might also like to share a story together or a quiet piece of music, practise gratitude or share the favourite part of your day, or encourage some gentle movement via yoga or some deep breathing.
No matter our age or life stage, we can all get to know ourselves better by taking time to understand our emotions and focusing on responding rather than reacting. By practising this ourselves, we can role model this behaviour in our young people, helping them to understand who they are and helping them to grow into who they want to be.