Student life can seem like an almost endless opportunity for socialising. It seems like there would be something for everyone. From grabbing a coffee or drink in the student union, chatting with course mates and housemates, to club nights, events and involvement in societies, student government and volunteering. A veritable smorgasbord; come, eat your fill.
And yet, students are increasingly becoming one of the loneliest populations in the UK. A recent survey by YouGov in Summer 2023 found that 92% of students felt lonely at some point, with 49% feeling lonely occasionally and 24% feeling lonely often or always.
So, what’s happening?
Loneliness isn’t necessarily caused by a lack of friends or relationships. But when our desire for connection and socialising goes unfulfilled. There’s no one size fits all here. We all have different connection needs, and the way we achieve this will be different too. Think quality, not quantity. For some, a close-knit group of friends will be sufficient. Others of us require a larger constellation of people in our social network. Some of us are fuelled by occasional socialisation, and some of us will need to connect more frequently. How we do this also differs. Whether intimate gatherings or larger groups, with people we are super close with or chatting with acquaintances, in-person or online.
Feelings of loneliness can also happen when our relationships are disrupted. Moments of conflict, feeling unsupported or when divisive issues arise can make us feel disconnected and fuel loneliness. We may feel lonely when we can’t truly be ourselves with the people around us, or we don’t feel seen or understood.
Most of us will feel lonely at some point in our lives; it’s normal. But that doesn’t mean we can’t do anything about it. Loneliness is transient or can come and go at different times. A good starting point is to remind ourselves that it’s not forever. And that we can take steps to help ourselves.
Checking in
We can start off by checking in with ourselves. Take a moment to ask ourselves, how do I feel? Above and beyond lonely, is there more here? We can be curious about our loneliness, what is missing for us? Do we want to socialise more, differently or with other people? Can we track the times we feel most lonely? Is it in connection with others or when we are alone? At a particular time of day, or with certain people? This information can help us take further steps.
Connect
If we want to socialise more or differently, we can explore the various options of campus life. Societies and course mates can be a good starting point. By default, we are likely to have shared interests with them. Identity based groups may be helpful to us too. We may find a sense of belonging and authenticity socialising with those with whom we have a shared narrative. Whether LGBT+, cultural, religious, age or disability. Volunteering or social action opportunities can boost our self-esteem and confidence which can take a hit if we feel lonely; and is a natural place to meet other people who also have the desire to give. We can also try and maintain pre-existing relationships. We may need to proactively reach out to make this happen.
Share & Support
“If you’re not sharing, you’re storing; and that gets heavy”. Coping by ourselves is hard at the best of times and can be compounded by loneliness. If we feel comfortable, can we communicate our unmet needs and how we feel with someone we trust? People may not know how we’re feeling unless we tell them. The same YouGov survey showed that 82% had supported or would support a friend feeling lonely and 87% said they wouldn’t judge someone who felt this way and 60% would start a conversation with someone who felt lonely.
Think broadly about who can support us. Explore your on-campus services, the Student Union can often point you in the right direction. Nightline is the student helpline if you need someone to talk to. Student Minds also have resources in this area. You may wish to explore whether there is a campus befriending service or an age-appropriate one in your local area. Shout (Text Jami to 85258) provide a 24/7 text service if you need further support and a visit to your GP can also be a good idea.
Barriers
Sometimes there may be reasons that we cannot socialise as much as we would like. Where there are physical access barriers for socialising on campus, refer to your student union about this. If there are other barriers, such as anxiety or lacking confidence it can be tempting to socialise solely online. Digital socialising can be a helpful tool to feel connected and find safe online communities. However, it should be mixed with in-person opportunities too.
If we are experiencing anxiety or low confidence around socialising, we can take a stepped approach. You could start by picking an easier socialising opportunity, perhaps something with a focus such as an activity or a show. There’s not as much direct communication required and it’s easier to start a conversation about what you are doing or seeing. For some of us, simply being around people can be a good starting point. We could also consider going with someone who we trust. They can support us and lightly introduce us to people if we would like them to. They can provide an extra feeling of safety or grounding.
Researching the event ahead of time and choosing an event with limited attendance or a more informal feel can help reduce discomfort. Lastly, you can dip your toe. Don’t force yourself to stay longer than you want. Remind yourself you can leave at any time. It’s not a failure to leave early, feeling comfortable socialising can take time, “practice makes progress”. Remember, socializing is a skill and we’re not all good at it, although it may seem like many people are. We all have times we feel apprehensive in social situations.
Look After Yourself & Your Mates
We know loneliness can impact both our physical and mental health. So do your best to engage in healthy habits. This covers everything from sleep and hydration to time in nature and hobbies. Self-care is our critical friend here. We can also reach out to others, whether we are feeling lonely or not, keep an eye out. You never know who else might be feeling this way and would love someone to stop and say hello or reach out. If you’re concerned about someone, check in and invite them for a walk or a coffee. If they’re unsure, ask if a different activity or time and place would make it easier for them.
If you need support or are supporting someone who needs help, visit jamiuk.org/campus or contact 020 8458 2223.
